I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
