She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
