At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
