Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
