i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
