i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
