well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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