so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
