The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
