woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
