she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
