Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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