What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
