someone threw a dead crab at me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
