I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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