i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize