our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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