Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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