I could make wine with my vomit
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
