Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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