Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
i think my cat just said my name.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
