Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
