Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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