i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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