Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
