for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dont even know how to be here
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
