I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
