someone get that fucking seahorse.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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