Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize