Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
