I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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