now i know why i became what i already was.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
