My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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