Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
