A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
