just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
