Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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