this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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