she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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