Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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