she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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