Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
