By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
