i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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