I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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