Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize