My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
