I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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