rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
