the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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