I'm really into asian looking animals
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
