You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Found your dick twin last night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Let's get the cat blown out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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