i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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