not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
