Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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