So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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