so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
