dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
